On War #289: His Majesty’s Birthday

by William S. Lind

January 27, 2009

This week marks the birthday of my liege lord and reporting senior, Kaiser Wilhelm II. As usual, I placed a call over my 1918 telephone to offer my felicitations and ask how our poor world looks from the heights of Mount Olympus.

This time, my call was routed from Berlin to our naval airship base at Nordholz. His majesty, it seems, has taken to the air.


After congratulating der Allehoechster on the anniversary of his birth, I enquired where he had been flying. To Capri, perhaps?

“Guess again,” the Kaiser replied. “I’ve just led a bombing raid on London, flying in L-70, our finest Zeppelin. We laid our eggs right down Whitehall.”

“So we’re still bombing England, even in Heaven?”, I asked.

“Oh yes, of course. The ordnance has changed. We now bomb with sausages rather than explosives. This time we hit them with echte Goettingen Bratwurst, right at supper time. It was retaliation for a raid on Duesseldorf last week by 100 Handley-Pages, dropping bangers. Just yesterday the French shelled our fortress at Metz with whole fois gras. Every Prussian soldier now looks rather like Max Hoffman.”

“A delightful prospect,” I replied. “Please save any artillery duels with the Austrians until I get there. In the meantime, may I enquire whether Heaven has any reaction to America electing its first Black President?”

“As Uncle Deng likes to say, we don’t care whether a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice,” His Majesty answered.

“And is President Obama likely to prove a good mouser?”, I ventured.

“Judging by most of his appointments, he seems better at catching fleas,” the Kaiser replied. “This ‘democracy’ business is such a joke. All you get is a different slice from the same sausage. Now, when kings died and their sons took the throne, you saw real change. Just think of the differences between Bertie and my grandmother Queen Victoria. Not a change for the better, let me add.”

“Yet your generation of monarchs also got blindsided by history,” I suggested.

“Yes, we did, as poor mortals always will,” the Kaiser said. “All earthly leaders are time-blinded. We saw backward too clearly and forward hardly at all.”

“My generation of kings and emperors were fixated on the age-old contest between dynasties. Would the houses of Hapsburg and Hohenzollern defeat those of Romanoff and Savoy or the other way around? We could not see the paradigm shift welling up all around us, the onward rush of democracy and equality and socialism and all the rest of that garbage. What we needed was an alliance of all monarchies against democracy. Instead we wiped each other out, putting the levellers in charge everywhere, to the world’s ruin.”

“Does that hold any lessons for our time?”, I asked.

“From Olympus, the picture could not be more clear,” His Majesty replied. “As we were mesmerized by dynastic quarrels, so your politicians cannot see beyond the state. They think only of states in conflict. Will America be threatened by China? Should India go to war with Pakistan? Is Iran a danger to Israel? They cannot see that states are now all in the same, sinking boat, just as all the dynasties were in 1914.”

“What should states then do?”, I enquired.

“Form an alliance of all states against non-state forces, what you call the Fourth Generation,” the Kaiser answered. “The hour is late, and the state system itself has grown fragile. That is the lesson of America’s quixotic war in Iraq. You destroyed the state there, and now no one can recreate it. That is what will happen almost everywhere when states fight other states. But none of your leaders can see it, because they, too, are time-blinded. It is the human condition.”

“So is ‘democracy’ both the culmination of the state and its end?”, I asked.

“Indeed,” Kaiser Wilhelm replied. “If states have a future, it will be monarchy, not democracy. A good monarch is above politics. When governments fail, people do not blame the king, who remains as the symbol of the state. The state obtains some distance from political failure, which helps the state endure such failures. In the times you are about to face, political failures will be common.”

“So our future is ….?”

“Chaos or the return of the king. And now I must go, as the Imperial train is waiting.” His Majesty rang off, leaving me with some interesting words to ponder, along with dreams of 42 cm. Skoda siege guns hurling vast Malakofftorte. War in Heaven, it seems, it is not always hell.

William S. Lind, expressing his own personal opinion, is Director for the Center for Cultural Conservatism for the Free Congress Foundation.

To interview Mr. Lind, please contact (no e-mail available):

Mr. William S. Lind
Free Congress Foundation
1423 Powhatan Street, # 2
Alexandria, Virginia 22314

Direct line: 703 837-0483

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Filed in Uncategorized | 12 responses so far

12 Responses to “On War #289: His Majesty’s Birthday”

  1. loggie20on 28 Jan 2009 at 7:58 am 1

    I wonder if the Kaiser were aware that his state was had its own 4GW aparatus.

    Did the Prussian general staff work for him or for themselves?

    The US general staff and its MICC is a 4GW operation, pretend to work for the constitution they swore to uphold and work for their cliques.

    Did that cause the western hemisphere barbarians to meddle in the Great War?

    Were the doughboys sent to toss out the dynasties to start the MICC?

    Is the unauthorized culture decaying the state allied with the demise of the state that provides facilities to operate?

  2. Duncan C Kinderon 28 Jan 2009 at 10:57 am 2

    When governments fail, people do not blame the king, who remains as the symbol of the state.

    I suggest that Mr. Lind read The King Must Die, by Mary Renault.

    This fictional biography of the Greek hero, Theseus, discusses the traditional pagan practice of sacrificing the king whenever misfortune strikes.

  3. freeholdon 28 Jan 2009 at 8:00 pm 3

    Mr. Lind,
    I invariably enjoy your annual chats with the Kaiser. The world probably would have been a better place if the Germans had managed to prevail in 1914. Probably no second Great War and certainly no Bolsheviks. America would most likely still be an isolationist outpost and a free Republic only worried about ourselves. What a pity.

  4. rmhitchenson 29 Jan 2009 at 2:50 pm 4

    I appreciate whimsy in a serious cause as much as the next guy, but I’ve always wondered why the very serious Mr. Lind would invoke the spirit of the utterly unserious and notoriously shallow Kaiser Bill. Especially when the shade of the vastly more interesting Otto von Bismarck is undoubtedly languishing for want of attention.

  5. nimbus48on 30 Jan 2009 at 8:59 am 5

    For many years I have profited from Bill Lind’s articles but can’t help but wonder just what the structure of his ideal monarchy would be.

    Would it be a parliamentary system like the UK or an (yikes) absolutist monarchy like Saudi Arabia? I understand that WWI saw the end of many monarchies but that process had started long before 1914. I too am frustrated with the present system but am not convinced that monarchy would be a change for the better and I’m seeking enlightenment.

  6. jaylemeuxon 30 Jan 2009 at 5:14 pm 6

    “I too am frustrated with the present system but am not convinced that monarchy would be a change for the better…”

    Ditto. Lind points out that “A good monarch is above politics,” but what is the chance of that happening? Even more, what is the chance that a monarch’s inbred descendants will continue to rule with wisdom? Ones last name does not make one fit to rule a modern nation-state.

    I mean, my biggest problem with Hillary Clinton running for president was that, regardless of her qualifications (which are debatable-I’m not saying she was the ideal candidate), I didn’t want to see the White House traded back and forth between two families for decades on end.

  7. buckshoton 30 Jan 2009 at 11:56 pm 7

    Help. Why were the German airships of WW I built at Nordholtz not used to bomb the Britsh fleet at Scapa Flow instead of killing a few poor blokes in London?

  8. Duncan C Kinderon 01 Feb 2009 at 4:12 pm 8

    For further information on the traditional killing of kings, Sir James George Frazer’s classic, The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion devotes a chapter to it, The Killing of the Divine King.

    According to Frazer at § 2. Kings killed when their Strength fails:

    The man-god must be killed as soon as he shows symptoms that his powers are beginning to fail, and his soul must be transferred to a vigorous successor before it has been seriously impaired by the threatened decay.

    and

    From Dr. Seligman’s enquiries it appears that not only was the Shilluk king liable to be killed with due ceremony at the first symptoms of incipient decay, but even while he was yet in the prime of health and strength he might be attacked at any time by a rival and have to defend his crown in a combat to the death.

  9. Sven Ortmannon 01 Feb 2009 at 9:00 pm 9

    Reason 1: Zeppelins were naval recce airships and the navy resisted the use as bomber for a long time.

    Reason 2: Limited payload.

    Reason3: Do you really expect a battleship-centric navy to acknowledge the potential of air power liek this, years before the first bombing demonstrations against armored ships?

    Reason 4: Battleships and cruisers of that time had anti-balloon guns (3-3.5″) with shrapnel shells and were deadly enemies for airships.

  10. Freyron 02 Feb 2009 at 12:17 am 10

    A monarchy is impossible in present day America. A monarchy is the “royal family” of a nation. A real nation, based on blood and soil. America no longer has an ethno-core. WE don’t even agree on who our heroes are? Some people still look to Washington and Jefferson while others claim its Obama? The only way a monarchy would ever form is after the collapse of the nation-state system. There would be a time of chaos which would eventually lead to new “nations” springing up. The new monarchy would be people who rise as leaders of these new nations.

    Some people glorify this post nation-state world. This is laughable, as man has never been so dependent on the State as they are today. This is especially true of Western Man. Can you imagine if Social Security ended, or if the police stopped coming to work? A whole new order would have to be formed, and it would be quite an ugly task (there is no political correctness when survival is on the line).

    NO, we’re better off supporting the establishment by finding a place within the machine. The best thing you can do is figure out some place in the establishment where you’re useful. Find some place where you can’t be replaced, becuase if you can be, they’ll replace you in a second. They may replace you with a computer or a Mexican but the point is: You are replaceable!

    Find something you can do to expand the power of the elites. That’s the advice I give to young people.

  11. GoldenHordeon 05 Feb 2009 at 12:46 am 11

    Freyr: Where can I enroll in the General Petraeus school of inveterate ass kissing?

    Your advise is the exact opposite of Colonel Boyd’s:
    http://dnipogo.org/john-r-boyd/to-be-or-to-do/

    My advice to young people is to find a way to market time the SPY etf.
    Bear market volatility is a beautiful thing for SPY puts.

    Gottta love the BB’s (daily/weekly & upper/lower) on the SPY chart.

    It’s better to be free than to be an ass kisser, Freyr

    [CR: Please note our “civil tongue” policy.]

  12. Maxon 05 Feb 2009 at 9:07 am 12

    GoldenHorde

    CR: Please note our “civil tongue” policy

    I find his remarks most refreshing.
    I don’t believe your intention Chet is to run
    a nursery school here.
    We are all adults, and most here bound by a common
    thread of interest, and alternative perspective.

    If I really want the usual tow the line garbage
    & BS (everything is just great, and the US is #1) I’ll visit
    stratigy and mil.com

    M

    [CR: Fine, just do it like cultured, educated people. Fake it if you need to.]